You Must Respect The Gooch.

Do you know what the "Gooch" is?

According to this entry on the Urban Dictionary, The Gooch is

1. Name of a bully who used to bother Arnold from the sit-com, "Different Strokes".

and

2. Nickname for James Giugliano, a person who used to bully people in the same fashion.

But I know The Gooch by it's second definition...

According to Johnny Knoxville, the area between a mans balls and his asshole. Equivilent to the "chin rest" on a woman

Yeah, The Gooch is medically known as The Perineum. Wikipedia has some NSFW pics of it here. Supposedly it's wicked sensitive and one of the under-utilized erogenous zones of the body. (I know I underuse my own.) On the tv show, "Jackass" the Perineum or the "Gooch", as they call it, sees lots of action. It gets shocked with medical electrodes, whacked with a dog bone, kicked by pre-schoolers and lacerated by a pair of bunjee underwear. (Go look for those clips on YouTube. Or rent the DVDs. Whatever works best for you.)

So, it was with some alarm, that I just overheard the theater's crackerjack development team title the specialty drink for Saturday's Gala event, "The Gooch"! You see, in the play that they're promoting, there's a character named "Agnes Gooch" and they're naming the drink after her. (It's some fruity vodka concoction.)

At first, I thought it was vaguely funny that these people will be ordering a drink at the bar that's only slightly less well know, but equally as scatological as a "Taint". But then I thought that most of the older folks who will be AT this event, won't know what the name "Gooch" has evolved to mean. So, they'll order and drink up their "Gooch"s and not know how ridiculous that is. But I thought, "Well, I better, at least, forewarn the Head of Development about this" and I didn't want to broadcast it around the offices, so I wrote a small note on post-it, saying,

Hey there,
Not to be gross or anything, but the term, "The Gooch" has evolved to refer to the fleshy area between a person's rectum and their genitals. They use it on "Jackass" all the time. I just wanted you to know.
Thanks,
Mr.B

The development staff member, a sweet, but totally sheltered soul, came over to her desk, bent over, read the note, said, "Ewwwww!" and then looked up at me to see if I was kidding or not. I smiled sheepishly and said, "Sorry about that".

She said, "Well, it's a name of a character in the show", wadded up the note, threw it away and proceeded to finish filling out signage advertising "The Gooch" at a reasonable bar rate.

I know, without having to hear the conversation, that she's going to go to her co-worker, a horrible, wretched, complaining individual and tell her the story about the "nasty" note that I left on her desk. I know that this is going to turn into a story illustrating how innapropriate I am. Somehow this will be told to illustrate a character flaw of mine. I know this as surely as the sun will rise and set tomorrow.

Because God Forbid I actually know what I'm talking about and help someone prevent a social faux pas, by actually listening to me. God Forbid we value the experience and knowledge of someone who knows about something OTHER THAN original play production. God Forbid that we take in new information and acknowledge that there's a world beyond our sheltered little experience.

I have to work the event tomorrow night. When I'm not working, I'm going to hang around the bar and hawk as many "Gooches" as I can. I'll ask the patrons...

"Have you tasted The Gooch, yet? It's fantastic!"

and

"Wait until you get down your first Gooch! After that, they fly by! You won't know how many Gooches you've had, when you're through!"

and

"I'm having a Gooch. You have to try it. Taste my Gooch."

I'll propose toasts and encourage everyone to raise up their "Gooch"s and we'll toast live theater, the voice of the modern man, and then we'll adjourn to the buffet for plates of "Camel Toes" and "Moose Knuckles"!

Ridiculous.

Cheers,
Mr.B


Can you find the "Gooch" in this picture? I bet you can!